2015.

Alot has happened in the time that's passed since I last wrote in this thing.

Merci.

The birth of my child being the most important.

I am so very grateful for this little tiny human. At six months old she finds a way to light up my life every single day. To surround my with the best kind of love. With agape love. OH to love from the eyes of a baby. Just imagine that- imagine the world that we would live in if everyone loved that way. Anywho, back to what I was saying, Merci is my favorite part of everyday. Her ability to learn and absorb EVERYTHING right now amazes me. It seems like everyday has learned something new. Some things I have no idea where she learned from. Recently, she started blowing spit bubbles and "raspberries". Now to a "non- mother" this may not seem like a big deal, but to parents, these small accomplishments are as if your child just won an Olympic gold medal. Its so funny to me the things I have learned to value in my short time as a mother. Often times I think back to times before my miracle baby was born and its hard to imagine doing life without her here. I mean sure we slept more, got longer showers, maybe I didn't look as much like a hobo on a daily basis, my house may have been cleaner, I may have watched more T.V., or pursued different things, but now, in this moment, I am so fulfilled. I can't think of a time in my life that I have felt like I was fulfilling my purpose more than I do now. To think that there is a little person watching my every move. Learning from me and desiring to be LIKE ME is both terrifying and so humbling to me. I could go on and on about how eternally thankful I am to God for this blessing. August 23rd, 2014 was one of the best days of my life.

Family.

Tim and I embarked on this journey as a family early in 2014 and have grown exponentially since the birth of our daughter. There is something quite profound that happens when you become parents. Something that happens deep down in the depths of your soul. Its stirs the very fibers of your being. One of the major accomplishments that has come with the birth of our child is our daily "cross" of patience and selflessness. I guess I never really understood just how selfish or impatient I could be until I had Merci. When you have child, you are suddenly thrown into a world of no longer getting to do things "on your time" no longer being spontaneous per say, unless you call changing clothes at 3 am because your baby has vomited all over you spontaneous lol. Back to what I was saying, I have to pick up my cross of selflessness and patience daily.  No only is this important for my relationship with my daughter but also with my husband and with myself. I am learning to not be so hard on my husband. I know he is trying his best and he is learning just as I am. Now I had no doubt that Tim would be a great father but man he is totally rocking this dad thing. Merci is so blessed to have him as a father. I also have to remind myself that I am a great mother. I love my daughter more than I could ever imagine. She is the best part of my day every day, but it is quite frequently that I forget that I work really hard to be the best that I can be for her. It is quite often that I feel inadequate. Most of those times are a results of my frequent facebook timeline scrolls full of "perfect mothers and perfect families" while I am over just like yup my daughter is fed, clothed, and alive- I rocked today! I am doing better about my strict judgement of myself, but I am no where near where I would like to be. I am a good mother. I am a good mother. I am a good mother.

Health.

Upon recent discovery, there are some things with my health that are not quite as up to par as I would like them to be. I am slowly but surely working through those things and expect things to line up and an come into subjection to God's word. I know that He is the healer of all things and he makes all things new. I have no doubt that this will all work out as it is supposed to, but alas, I am human and sometimes my mind trumps my faith. So far, things have worked out great. I have gotten great reports so I imagine that this is just a small bump in the road to add to my testimony. I go to the endocrinologist this week to hear what the doctors have to say about my issue but I know what God has to say so I am not worried.



I think this is long enough for now. I hope to write in this a lot more frequently this year though I have said that in years past and not followed though so we shall see.

Until next time,
Bailee.